A new heart

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

This verse could not be truer. God gives you a new heart. 

I surrendered my life to God in junior high. I boldly stood up, invited Jesus to live in me and lead me for the rest of my life. Who I became in Him was a beautiful outgoing and sometimes-loud young woman. I had a huge heart for others and could see the positive in any situation and person. While others worried about boys and parties in high school, I ran with a different crew. We spent our time at church functions and Christian concerts. We got together for bible study and prayers. It was a great high school experience filled with joy and good times. 

Somewhere towards the end of high school, I began to follow my own will and not God's. Over the next 3yrs, I drifted away from God. My heart became empty and that outgoing loving woman turned into a lonely and mean person. When I finally stopped running from God and surrender my life to him, I once again grew this uncontrollable heart for others. When I was not walking in His presence, I was pretty mean and judgmental of people. I had a man at a bar once say I think you are so beautiful but you do not look approachable. At the time I laughed and said you're right and later on I laughed again because it was funny how without God I became completely opposite of who I was. Giving my life to God at a young age I did not know another me. In those 3 years of living for me and not God, I was so different. 

Every day is a new day. God has forever changed my life; my relationship with Him is personal and real. I talk to God just like I do my best friends. I mean He knows everything anyways! So it becomes easy to say, "Ya, I totally messed up today" and then move forward.  It is hard to even describe how real God feels to me and how much He has changed my heart. I am more passionate than ever (which also means more emotional) I get worked up easily and I shed a few tears every day. Most days it is something I see on facebook or a message from a friend going through a hard time. 

I feel compelled to help everyone around me. My heart is so open to others that I become sensitive to how those around me feel. I know this is Jesus living in me and I want to be able to see the hurt and needs in others. The best part about this new heart of mine is that others see it. They feel drawn to me now and I cannot tell you how many people tell me their stories, SERIOUSLY, I have the best stories to share and they are not even mine. I will have to blog about that later! I will have lunch with a friend I haven't seen in years and 2 hours later they tell me I can't believe I just shared all that, no one knows any of that. Even complete strangers stop and tell me things. I have heard stories at the dr's office, grocery stores, and parks. Just about everywhere. AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! Anytime you want to grab a coffee and get things off your chest or share your story I am your girl. 

I share this part of my life to give God glory and shine a light on who He truly is. You do not have to be perfect to serve God. God wants the good, the bad, and the ugly. He will take you just as you are right now! I did not change myself; I am not who I am because of anything I did. God’s love and spirit living in me has changed me. I did not have to follow a set of rules or wait until I was “perfect” and stopped all my bad habits. Shoot, I still have a few bad habits. God wants nothing more than to have a relationship with us. We do not earn His love; it is freely given to us. All we need to do is say God please take over.  Forgive me for my sins and send Jesus to live in my heart.  Then spend time with God more and more. The new heart will come. You will naturally want to pray more. You will feel compelled to give up old habits and replace them with new passions. You will long to be in worship and read Gods word. None of it is forced, none demanded.  All you have to do is call out to God.

I hope this all makes sense. It is 2am by now and I have bad grammar as it is. My hope is that those of you reading this want to seek God more and feel more comfortable being open and honest about your walk with God. And as always, my eyes and ears are always open to all of you. Getting feedback or prayer requests inspire me to keep posting and share my story, even the not so good stuff.