It was around this time last year I began to notice something wasn't right. I woke up everyday feeling tired and off. I should of slowed down but I wouldn't listen to what my body was trying to tell me. I loved work so much and I had just started my last semester of school. Four classes left and then I wanted to head straight into the masters program. I had such BIG plans I was determined to accomplish. I wanted to build a great life for my daughter and I. By Christmas I couldn't even get out of bed in the mornings. This has been the hardest/longest/most humbling season in my life. I still haven't gotten any real answers from doctors. (Other than your body isn't working right & heres some pills to try) I miss school, I miss work, but I know God has a plan here. I was charged for the classes I couldn't even finish and now I cant go back until I pay that off. I know when the time is right God will provide a way for me. I have laid on the floor crying out to God more than ever before and He ALWAYS shows up. I may not be completely healed yet, but I can now take my daughter on a walk around the block. Yes, that's a big deal! I still struggle sometimes. I still get weak and light headed. I still feel like I have the body of an 80yr old woman BUT I fake it anyways. I dance in the rain and thank God for another day.
Right now I am focused on my home (which still isn't fully unpacked) & my family. Those should always be your number one ministry anyways. So to all my wonderful friends who have been praying for me and get confused when I respond to your messages a week later, thank you! I love you all so much and I am sorry I loose track on who's been updated. Its nice to know so many people love and care about me. I am truly blessed. I have missed so many birthdays, weddings, babyshowers, and more this year and that breaks my heart. God is moving in my life and I have to understand I cant be superwoman. I need to let God be God and rest as much as I can. I miss bike riding with my pops, I miss playing soccer...... I miss a lot of things. But being a woman after Gods own heart & a mother are my main focus.
So medically for you who need to know: I finally got to see my specialist at USC but he didn't have my file. NOT a single paper. So I had a nice lunch with my sister and came home. He checked some things out & talked with me but is more of a "lets see the facts kind of doctor". For now, I have stopped taking all the meds they have tried to give me except for progesterone and a strong birth control to balance things. And of course tons of natural vitamins to replace what my body is no longer producing (like iodine!) and tons of water. I am waiting for insurance to approve a second visit in which I will be taking my own file! In the meantime he did order more tests. Not much has been done to help me, yet I feel SOO much better than I did this summer and I know that is ALL GOD. I cried out saying "I need to a hint of air here Lord, you gotta give me something!" And now I dont wake up nauseous and dizzy every morning :) Yup Ill take it, praise God.
Its important to remember: It's during the hardest seasons in our life that we grow the most.
Life isnt about surviving the storms... its about dancing in the rain.
