It is crazy to come to my blog and see a post from 2yrs ago. It was the begin of healing for me. I had seen my holistic doctor and I was slowly picking my life back up. For those of you who weren't reading my blog the first time around (it was deleted) let me go back.
In the fall of 2012 I thought I had a stomach virus, then possibly vertigo, and then I couldnt even get out of bed. It was a crazy mess for months, I just kept getting worse with no answers from the doctors. They ran more test that I want to remember and told me random things they found but no real answers. I had inflammation, I had a swollen thyroid (but my TH levels were normal) I had hormonal imbalance, on and on. I was frustrated , miserable, and started to lose hope. They found swelling in pituitary so they said it was MS, but then a second scan showed the the same results so that was cancelled out, then they said it was lupus but it just wasnt showing up yet, then it was crohns , and every other autoimmune disease that comes up on wedMD. Like my old post mentioned I was put on random medications that made no sense to me.
At my lowest point I couldnt even get out of bed. My GI specialist had put me on new medication and I had a bad reaction to it. He told me give it a couple days. Well after a couple days of throwing up, night sweats, and other things I remember looking in the mirror and being scared of my own reflection. My face was sucked in and white as a ghost. I dont remember if it was my brother or my mom but someone had to carry me into her house. I had little hope at that point. I was FULLY dependent on those around me. I could take baths and read to Stitch...that was it! That was all I could do as a mother and it killed me. When her dad would bring her home I tried not to cry, I was so ashamed and scared he would try and take her from me. I'll never forget the day I stood in my moms kitchen and told her I couldnt do it anymore, I wanted God to just take me home, I was useless. With her eyes filled with tears she told me Rachel YOU are the one who is always praying for everyone else, who is always telling use to give it to God, now you have to have that faith for yourself. I went to the bedroom and cried with anger. I YELLED AT GOD, yup I sure did and being the gentle loving God that He is, He just held me. I told him I NEEDED something, anything, give me hope because I have none. Two hours later I got a call from a girl I went to high school with. She said God keeps putting you on my heart. She shared her struggle with her illness and gave me a diet to try and keep food down. And then she gave me the number to the woman God would use to give me my life back!!
She was a chiropractor & holistic doctor. The first time I met with her I was there for 3hrs and I pretty much cried the entire time. She told me more about what was going on without my chart, without my test, and she explained each thing, each symptom, told me what to go home and research. I was such a mess in that office because for the first time in a LONG time I felt that hope I had been asking God for. She stopped and hugged me and PRAY with me and told me with the most confidence I have ever seen in a doctor, "give me a year and I'll have you better than ever" and she did. I stopped all medications, I stopped going to doctors, and I started feeling like me, not 100% physically but 200% emotionally and spiritually.
There is so much more to my story and God has really been encouraging to tell it. See I am SOO glad I got sick, yup thats right! I thank God for that storm in my life. I am who I am and I am where I am because of that season in my life. The God stories that came from going through that, the strength I got because of being "sick". Idk if the swelling in my brain is worse or better. Idk if ill ever be able to run a mile again, or even carry a baby again, but none of that matters. What matters to me is helping others in their storms and shining Gods light for others to see. And for God to always get all the glory and all the honor for it all. I am NOTHING without Him. I am mean, judgey, and bitter without HIS spirit living inside me. It is because of Him that I can be so transparent and open to y'all about my life. I really have nothing to hide. Some stories and struggles I wont share on here because it would involve bringing someone else's struggles to the table and thats for them to tell not me. But I do hope to share more of my journey, some of my devotionals, and just anything God puts on my heart. If just 1 person finds peace and hope because of my blog then it is worth it.
